Post Skype - MORE Form

Never having been backward in coming forward, I feel I did a lot of talking during this session. It's great to be in a place where things are beginning to make sense, however, I do feel we could more usefully have had this discussion a couple of weeks earlier. I suppose the idea is to wait until everyone's made an attempt at the MORE form, so we all know to what we're referring.

I have been so busy of late, that I can't really remember what else we talked about, save for the forms being more slanted towards science than art. However, how information is stored and how interviewees are anonymised is something I really had not considered. Suddenly, it's all very serious!

Post Skype - Module Two (DAN4630)

Well! A strange Wednesday evening at home, going back out on tour tomorrow. Last bit of quiet for a while. However, another breakthrough. I started in on 'Intelligence In The Flesh', recommended by Helen, so some ideas had been running around. Up to this session, I had no idea what I would or could make the subject of my inquiry. Whilst I was listening to others speaking, I came up with two possibilities. Two!! Like buses!! I may not end up using either of them, but having the ideas feels like a relief. Firstly, "when considering the quality of a voice, what is soul?" And secondly, continuing a subject broached in one of my AOL essays, "when being a backing singer, how do I 'dial down' my performance?"

Sorted! I'm on my way. Just a question of all the 'other stuff' I haven't quite got a handle on. Something I do need to turn around is my usual attitude, in that I am used to providing evidence to support my arguments. The notion of asking a question to which I don't already know the answer is, for me, counter-intuitive. I am used to advocating on behalf of an idea or an organisation. What I have to do is wonder. This is something I do passively, whilst I'm doing something else. To actively wonder about something, is new. An example is how I came up with inquiry ideas, whilst I was listening to others talking. Focussing my full attention on an unknown is different for me. Perhaps this isn't quite what I have to do. I'm sure somebody will tell me. Anyway, as an experiment, it would be no bad thing.

Not so worried about methodology. I'm confident I can provide sound arguments for however I choose to proceed. Back in my comfort zone. Now I've got to get on with it. During a tour! Wish me luck...

Post Skype - Theories And Frameworks

I 'sat out' most of this call, as nothing seemed to include me. Whilst I was listening, I glanced back at this topic from last term and I had had the same response. I am a singer in a band. I have studied some dance, so I know what others are talking about when they say Graham technique or Cunningham technique, but it has nothing whatsoever to do with my practice. If you want to sing in a band, you join one. That's it. No years of study, not actively anyway. Join a band and be a singer. And, abracadabra, that's what you are.

These days I could do a degree in being a singer in a band. I could achieve a BMus, a Modern Music degree. Part of my impetus for doing this course myself was that I wasn't sure students were getting a fair deal from their BMus and I wanted to do some lecturing. I wasn't considered because I didn't have a degree. I had 50 years' experience of singing in public, but no degree. I had been in the music business for 40 years, but no degree. I have gigged all over the UK, in Europe and in the USA, but no degree. I have seven gold and one silver record, but no degree. Alright then, I'll get a degree.

I can't imagine what 'rules' young vocalists are taught, but I had no teacher. Along the way I took a few singing lessons, just to 'make sure', but can't say I changed anything. I had probably learned more from doing youth theatre, where I learned to project my voice and stand in the light. Doing dance classes from an early age made me aware of where I was on stage, in relation to others, and to smile at the audience. That was all the stagecraft I started with.

Anyway, back to the Skype call. I managed to communicate to Helen that my practice has no predetermined theory or framework, so how could I apply this idea. She said what I do is intuitive and that, in itself, stands as a theory/framework. Hurrah! There are even books! An epiphany! I was, for most of the call, thinking here's an hour I'll never get back. So pleased I persevered and spoke up. Got one of the books. I'm a slow reader and I'm back on tour in three days, where it's always noisy, but I'll do my best.

Result!

How??

First Skype of the new term. A brief few minutes in the security queue of an American airport. I don't remember which one. Then almost a whole hour one morning in San Diego. The fear's beginning to set in. How am I going to get this done, when I'm constantly on the move? This tourbus has an upstairs lounge, away from the engine, so is not so loud. It's the middle of the night, just me and the driver awake.

I'm already worried about what I'm to investigate. Ideas may come, but they may come too late. I'm interested in many things, but not sure they would be worthy of investigation at this level. I remember feeling at sea at the beginning of last term and then I finally got a handle on it. Hopefully that will come.

Just searched for this blog on my phone and realised I hadn't actually posted it. It seemed too short, shallow and unfinished. All I can do right now is read and think. Hopefully help will soon be at hand, or enlightenment will descend from wherever it now resides.

Looking For Ideas

Two days ago I had the opportunity to go to an introduction class to Feldenkrais Method. On more than one occasion, granted maybe only two, I have wondered what it was all about. I thought perhaps it might be akin to Alexander Technique, as it was being offered by the Musicians Union. It's there in the back of my mind that I need ideas for my inquiry, so a bit of exploration is on the cards.

Perhaps it has more resonance if you're injured, or have some movement impairment, or are looking for a solution, or just want to believe. I'm not a believer in anything except keeping your skepticism in a handy pocket. Lying on the floor on a thin piece of foam makes my backside numb. It's not comfortable. My fault, I should have got up and walked around. As usual, when I complain about something, all the others find their voices. Not just me then. I did the exercises too quickly. I zoned out through boredom. MY BUM HURT!! I understand slowing a movement down helps you deconstruct it, but it took too long and we did the same thing too many times.

I asked a few questions at the end. I will make an effort to read a little about Feldenkrais. The explanation sounded a bit like Mindfulness, I said. Apparently, Mindfulness was invented (she may have said developed) by a Feldenkrais practitioner. Of course it was, I said, as skeptic. Just what the world needs, a faith-based movement practice. "It's not faith-based!" "But you believe it works. The very definition!" It's not for me.

I didn't do any research beforehand, but even a cursory glance at Wikipedia leads you to the conclusion their claims don't stand up. All I can say is, if people will pay you for classes, good luck to you! Personally, I've sucked too many eggs by now to keep having someone teach me.

By the way, if anyone knows of any more of these movement practices as complementary therapies, I'd be interested in the tip. I started Yoga as a child, as my dad did it. I've tried Alexander Technique when I did youth theatre and it seemed legit. There must be more of them.

Post Skype - Communicating Ideas

There were two things I took away from this session. The first was focus, or lack thereof. I was struggling to pay attention. I have an awful lot going on in my life at the moment and couldn't help feeling my time would've been better spent elsewhere. Too late, I was in. The second thing was what I said when I was required to speak. I talked about the RPL essays and how I have never before been required to back up what I said from traceable sources. I understand entirely why this is done, but in all honesty, find it incredibly tiresome. It stops me writing. It stops me progressing. I don't enjoy it at all. It feels pedestrian to have to constantly find a source for an idea I know to be true. Will I get used to it? I may become resigned to it.

I scribbled in my journal and realised I hadn't done so for two weeks. Listening to others, I feel there's something I'm missing. To me it's a chore. Perhaps I just don't have the time. And blogging? I have writing to do, I don't have time for this. I understand it's supposed to help. Back in February, I had a revelation. I blogged about it and just read it back, but whatever was so apparent then, escapes me now. Is it supposed to engender community? Fortunately, I have studied dance, otherwise I really wouldn't make sense of the conversation or get the references. But I'm not a dancer. I'm not part of the community.

Perhaps it's a bridge too far.

Peeved.

Post Skype - Reflection And Ethical Considerations

Skype discussion this evening, which I only just made, as my iPad keeps logging me out of Skype - gee thanks! Reflection didn't seem to get a whole lot of time, but perhaps that was my selective attention. I also had to take a call, so may have missed a few minutes. I'm sure I must reflect on my performances, but instinctively know what I should've done better and hold that. Not especially interested in other people's views. I get instant audience reaction, so 'notes' hold no real power for me. Reviews I try not to read anyway. The music business is not like the theatre, where you get helpful 'notes' from the director. I'm the director. If something goes wrong, it's my job to cover. People I respect may tell me if they really liked something, but in my world of fragile egos, nobody would ever tell you what you did wrong...a second time, anyway. I am, of course, my biggest critic, so try not to hold on to the bad stuff, as it could totally undermine the next performance. My mind is constantly churning all the poor decisions I've ever made in my life. It's not useful to add fuel to the fire.

And so on to ethics. My career is practically built on the moral high ground. There are plenty of people who can write and sing love songs, as it's a universal feeling. Unless you're a sociopath or a psychopath, of course, but they tend to have other careers. In my lyrics and my actions I have campaigned against racism, rape, apartheid, greedy landlords and gentrification. And Tories. But that's a given. If I suddenly were to go against or ignore my previous 'truths', I would lose my place in the business and also the world. Ethics are at the very core of what I do as a songwriter, performer and activist. Without my ideals, my ethics, I am just another woman singing about love in the same old way. I have no problem with love songs and I do write them, but I also seek to address the entire human condition from my standpoint. After this, as I said in the Skype meeting (what do you call it?), there are other ethical considerations. Where to play gigs, which countries to visit, which companies to work for, which publications to speak to. Do you embrace the beast and spit in his eye? Sometimes. It's a moral tightrope.

For example, I was DJing on the west coast of the US last year the day after (yet another) mass shooting. I spoke to the audience, expressing my disbelief at their gun laws and then played an acoustic lyrical-rewrite of a well known civil rights song. Afterwards, the audience applauded. It was the right thing to do, whether it baited the NRA supporters or not. Not the best version ever, but the right version at the right time.

Listen here, if you wish:  https://youtu.be/p1daKanRE54

There was also a brief discussion of ethics in teaching. I'm clear on what is important for me. I can't imagine anyone would employ me thinking their ethical code would supersede my own. I like to think I am employed because of, rather than in spite of who I am. As with dance, to be good at music you must practice. It's said it takes 10,000 hours to become a competent musician. So, it's not easy and you can always improve. A current over-used phrase is 'being the best version of yourself'. As a goal for an artist, that is it. My mantra to my students is, "music is work - the harder you work, the more fun you'll have". I don't expect my students, many of whom are unwell, to be brilliant. I do, however, expect 100% effort. I believe firmly that people rise to expectation. My tears when they give me all 100% confirm my faith in them.

In short: reflection - nein danke, ethics - a big yes from me.

Sunday Skype - Frameworks And Theories

For me this Skype session was alright. Not really of great interest. Not every discussion is. I don't mind that. However, when you attend a class that doesn't really engage you, you just go home. Here, of course, I'm obliged to offer my reflection. Inevitably, dance not being my art form, I didn't identify with the notion of the theory. I did offer a couple of interjections, but not from my own practice. The subject, frameworks and theories, with regard to what I do, is still a mystery really. I'm not sure at all how it relates to me. Understanding may come. There is no over-arching technique. There are style choices, but that's all. Perhaps it's not even relevant to what I do.

One strand of discussion was about the participation of adolescents in dance. Whether the fall off during early teenage years was due to peer pressure, reigning in societal norms. Well, since music is an absolute sausage fest anyway, societal norms are still almost never broken. Women participate in music largely as singers, or playing the gender appropriate instruments such as keyboard, saxophone, violin and guitar. No eyebrows are ever raised at female keyboard players. With the other instruments, it's more unusual. Once a female musician steps outside the 'appropriate' instruments, the numbers drop off rapidly. Female vocalists aren't especially unusual, but are often ruthlessly critiqued. When I teach, women are almost never anything but vocalists. And, just last week when doing an experimental spoken word improvisation, a woman tried drumming, but was moved off immediately for the next piece. The man who replaced her wasn't even better than me, but it was the first time he'd participated, so was left in situ. I have so often been the only woman on the bill, or one of two or three on the tourbus, I don't even notice anymore. Bizarre, since I started in an all female band.

I normally write my post Skype blog when the impressions are new and strong. This time, I had to wait for the impressions to die off a bit, so I could find something positive and relevant to say.

Onwards and upwards

In Solidarity Sister!

I don't know if any of you have joined the Students Union? It's hard sometimes to feel part of a student body when you are literally miles apart. Apropos of nothing, I thought I would post about a fellow student, Sophie Scholl. Some of you may know of her, some not. She wasn't a student at Middlesex, she studied at the Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich. Sophie, along with her brother, Hans, was convicted of treason for distributing anti war leaflets on campus. Like the victims of the Kent State massacre in 1970, she and her brother also died. They were guillotined. The year was 1943.

As part of my career, I have often been a dissident of some sort. Being a woman, being a woman of colour, having and stating an opinion; all of these things, in some places and times, would have caused me great problems and put my life, let alone my liberty in danger. Indeed, they still might in some parts of the world. The fact that I enjoy the freedoms which are a touchstone for me, has literally been paid for by the blood of others. Every day, therefore, it behoves me to be brave. To say what I believe to be true and to take chances, rather than walk the safer path, in my thinking and writing that is. Sadly, I'm still not a superhero and when my pants are worn outside my tights, it's by accident, not part of my costume.

This course is an intellectual challenge. We must think for ourselves and create new paths, that others may follow and build on the work we do. We are making history and our opportunities must not be squandered.

Prior Learning Skype Tutorial

So pleased it was a 'cameras off' Skype tutorial. Tired. In my pyjamas. Not used to thinking constructively this early in the morning; I'm usually on autopilot. I see why regular students don't get to lectures. Although, most of them have come from school, so are more prepared.

We talked about Areas Of Learning essays and what they should contain. Once again, I'm a little shaken by the enormity of what I have agreed to undertake. Hopefully, at some point, I shall feel less so. Funny what you end up discussing. The psychology of being a backing singer. Something I understand acutely, as band politics are often like walking a tightrope. Now I need to get my head around it as something I have actually learned. Of course I have and now I shall document it as a valid area of study. It is, after all, knowledge that can be passed on. Finding academic references might be tricky, though. I shall do my best to look around. Tried Google Scholar to no real avail, but sometimes it's about learning to ask the right questions. I'm sure there'll be music journos who have written on the subject. That would be a start.

Let's see what I can pull together. I haven't written much more than emails in so long. I think I may enjoy unlocking the muse once again. Soon find out!

Help!

Module One Skype Sesh

I was asked to write about why blogs are important. Up until a few days ago, I felt they were a giant waste of time, especially my time. All seemed a bit too touchy feely - I'm notoriously bad at 'sharing', unless it's just sharing my opinion. I still struggle to read the long ones; even with the wizard 'read it for you' software, I still need the 'pay attention' software. However, when writing, I've managed to look at it like a scaled up Facebook post - something I also have to do which sometimes irritates. So, I'm trying to make sense, say what I mean, yet remain concise. I do the rambling and moaning in my Reflective Journal.

And so, why did I change my opinion somewhat? A couple of days ago there was another Skype session on knowing and learning. I wrote my blog quite quickly, so my reflections were immediate. I didn't read what anybody else had written first, so it contained only what had stayed with me personally. Then I read Helen's blog and commented after Jesse. This lead me to reading his blog, which, fortunately, contained all the information I had forgotten. I left a comment, explaining I, too, had looked up the new word 'ideokinetic'. I made a barely thought out comment and had a lightbulb moment. "Aha, that's why we do it!" The circle was squared, it all became clear, the scales fell from my eyes and various other tired analogies. The process had brought me to a point of understanding which would have evaded me, had I not been required to participate.

Further to this, Adesola explained that our blogs serve as source material for the Module One essay. They provide a commentary and document progress as we go further into this term's enquiry. States of mind, thoughts and ideas that otherwise may have been forgotten or overlooked are laid down and provide a sort of road map of our learning. Still struggling with the contemporary notion of 'learning' being a thing and not an action. It's a process.

I forwent my Jazz Tap class to join in. Somehow I didn't regret it. Hmmm...

Thoughts On Knowing And Learning, Post Skype

Most of this evening's conversation was about language. How we use language to describe our practice and thus explain it to others. We touched on academic language and how it might differ from that which we usually use to describe things. It was agreed, broadly, that there is academic convention and this is something we would have to honour in form, at least. However, I felt that as we are post graduate students, it behoves us to begin to find our own definitions of what such language could be. We can change it. We can make our own impact on what has gone before, both in terms of an agreed body of knowledge and the language used to describe it. I do not fear forging my own path, I merely have to make the argument that this path is both right and worthwhile.

When we write as academics, we are largely addressing other academics. I gather that is part of the convention. Therefore, does what we write need to be useful to those outside the halls of academe? Is this a purely internal dialogue? I would say yes and no. In that we are adding to a body of knowledge that, together, may unlock further ideas, then yes. However, as we are seeking to describe our own practice with reference to its effect on, or communication with others, then no. In short, as I come to verbalise what it is I do, my understanding and effectiveness may well grow as a result. This would be particularly useful when I teach. Having the language at hand, instead of trying to reach for it, could shorten the process. All conjecture, of course.

We didn't talk too much about learning. My theory is that learning is both active and passive. As we interact with the world, we cannot help but learn new things. This I would call passive learning. Active learning is, for me, when I pick up a book, go to a class, or just ask a question and receive or search out a response. It was agreed that learning changes us in some way, even if we are not aware of this.

Forgive me if there were other things which I have now forgotten. Forgive me for all that I do not know or understand.

Forgive.

In Answer To 'Beginnings'

I work in popular music. Subtlety and nuance are often wasted on an audience who may, themselves, be wasted. The idea of quietly waiting and fading to silence is largely unknown. It's loud, it's rowdy. Subtlety and nuance are what is explored away from the public. Songwriting, recording and video representation are where subtlety and nuance come into play. Thus, beginning a performance is loud and brash and, possibly, shouty. Very much an energetic beginning. Crashing straight in. The official beginning for me is when I arrive at a venue. Typically, this will be at least two to three hours before I am onstage. I breathe a sigh of relief, "made it". I put down my bags and prepare for soundcheck. And the effective beginning? That would be after the first or second song, when I address the audience and welcome them. From this point onwards, there is a set list, but we are unscripted. I can begin to change the feel of the performance to react to the audience's response. In short, I can effect a change that affects the audience, in response to their affect.

This beginning at Middlesex is once again fraught with administrative hurdles. Nothing is simple. Though I am sure with kindness, therapy and possibly some training, somebody somewhere may press the right button. It could even be me... The effective beginning came after the first Skype session, when I wrote my blog post and started to write my journal. For me there will also be another beginning. An organisational beginning, when the routine has set in and I know when and where I am going to sit down to work and think. My life is a kind of rolling chaos, very reactive, so it takes some work to restore a modicum of order. This week the day I had set aside to work was eaten into by an early gig I needed to attend, supporting friends on a new project. As most music business happens by unexpected encounters, it is important to attend. It is work.

I have been teaching for a few years. I only do one regular session a week now. I teach vocals and performance to adults using mental health services. When we begin a new term, we have a different set of people each time. Some may come back and attend regularly, some may not attend regularly and some only sporadically. Therefore, what we do differs from week to week. At the end of term we put on a live gig, showcasing the new music we have created together. Beginnings are something we do all the time, as continuity is hard to hold on to. The participants and their moods are constantly in flux. Somehow we muddle through and at the end of a ten week term, we produce and perform four or five original songs to an audience of friends, family and supporters. Together with other parts of the project and other sessions, there is a whole evening's entertainment.

That's it for beginnings. I find I am at the end.

21st January Post First Skype Sesh

The wee hours of Monday morning, following a busy weekend of socialising. Taking time out to note down a few things that crossed my mind during the first Skype session. Firstly, that technology is catching up with the Azimov novels I used to read. Cross continental, multi-way conversations where someone shows me their computer screen, or themselves, gave me flashbacks to other impossible ideas made flesh. Once I had got past that, I began to feel daunted by all the reading. I didn't actually reach terror, but certainly horror at the mountainous task I appear to have undertaken.

Oddly enough, my general demeanour is that of a glass half full type. My knee jerk reaction is 'how hard can it be?' Broken down into manageable pieces, most things are, of course, achievable. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step and all that. So, I'm crashing in on this blog business, not sure what exactly I'm supposed to be doing with it.

So much information was imparted, I was only able to retain a portion. I did hear something about LinkedIn, I believe. I've heard of it and understood it to be some sort of shop window for 'other people', office workers. Do I have to do that? Really? To what end? I read through the handbook and started scribbling my Reflective Journal. First I had to choose the right book. It matters. The right book engenders the correct mixture of gravity and aesthetic pleasure. There was handbook advice on different ways of writing. I'm afraid I just dived in. I worried about it for two days, but ran out of time, so had to start. Similarly, here I am. No idea what I'm supposed to write, but, hopefully, that will become clear in the fullness of time. Or, when I receive the electronic equivalent of the red pen.

With the aforementioned red pen in mind, I shall cease babbling and fall into the arms of Morpheus. Adieu.

Rhoda